Online Dating Horror Stories

eHarmony is one of many sites used to find love online: photo courtesy of Flickr user denn More people are using their Internet connection to make a love connection — sometimes with shockingly negative results.

A recent BBC World Service poll found that almost one in three Internet users have gone online to look for love, using sites such as eHarmony.com and Match.com. But it's not all hearts and cupids..

One 49-year-old man from Alexandria, Va., who asked to remain anonymous, describes a recent online dating experience as something out of the land of Oz. A few years ago he liked the looks of the man's photo on Match.com. They talked on the telephone at length before agreeing to meet.

When he showed up at the man's house, he discovered that his date stood less than 5 feet tall. It was a fact the diminutive date never mentioned during their earlier chats.
 

 "That wasn't the really bad part," the Alexandria man explained. "The guy then took me into a room that turned out to have some kind of Wizard of Oz theme. The place was filled with memorabilia from Munchkin Land."

He made up a story about having to get back home to his dog and fled the scene.

Play this audio to hear the story first hand. 

Dustin Seibert, 28, is a writer for Blackvibes.com and has several online dating horror stories. Seibert, a Chicago native, has used online dating services for the past five years. OkCupid.com and Match.com are his usual picks. He's had his fair share of the opposite sex using deception to land a man.

"You have people who put pictures up of themselves from five years and 30 pounds ago," Seibert said. 

Seibert still laughs at one of his earliest online dating experiences. He spotted a woman online who had a pretty profile picture. After he agreed to meet her at a restaurant, Seibert got a big surprise.

"I walked toward her table and … my worst fears were confirmed," Seibert recalled. "This woman was pretty big — to a point where there was no way I would have gone out on a date with her had I known what she was like."

Seibert ended up ducking out of the restaurant before ever meeting the woman, which he said he still feels bad about. 

Play this audio to hear the story first hand.

Julia Gumminger of Baltimore, Md. said her most upsetting online experiences included an encounter with a racist and another with a cheater. 

On a date during Barack Obama's presidential campaign, she stormed out of a restaurant when her online match started making racist comments about the future chief executive. 

The 29-year-old was stunned to hear a man she met on Yahoo Personals admit to cheating while on their date.

"Super charming, in his 30s and divorced," Gumminger said. "On our second date … he told me the reason he was divorced was because he had cheated on his wife — a lot. He was a nurse, so he worked with a lot of women. He said his conscience didn't kick in about cheating on his wife until he realized on his night shift at work that he had slept with every single woman working with him that night — including his wife. I was appalled, obviously, and then he said, ‘Well I didn't have to tell you … at least I'm being honest with you.’ "

Online Dating Expert Julie Spira: photo courtesy of Julie SpiraJulie Spira, bestselling author of "The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online," provides advice on her Web site, cyberdatingexpert.com. Of course, most people won't admit that they're overweight, a racist or a cheater in their descriptions. Spira revealed that deception in online profiles is pretty common.

"I believe in authenticity in your online dating profile, but I can't force people to tell the truth," Spira explained. "It's very common for singles to deduct five to 10 pounds off their actual weight and age. Also, men on the shorter side will add approximately 2 inches to their height. It's the biggest complaint I hear from singles when their date doesn't look like their profile photo. How often does it happen? Quite often." 

Spira said having a sense of humor will help you get through the bad experiences online. Of course, all examples of online dating don't end in nightmares. In fact, three of the singles interviewed said they had found long-term relationships by using online dating.

To try and have the best online dating experience Spira offers these tips: 

1. Find the time. “You need to carve out an hour a day or at least three days a week on the online dating site of your choice. If you can take the time to go to the gym and to see your friends, you should add online dating to your calendar.” 

2. Be organized. “Does it sound like a class project? Well, almost. I suggest that you create an Excel spreadsheet and list the screen names of those you are interested in writing to and those who have contacted you. Create columns for screen name, age, occupation or school, marital status, height, weight or anything that will keep your interested parties on your list. Color code those you have written to in one color, and select another color for those who have written to you. After a while, you'll see who rises to the top of the sheet.” 

3. Create a catchy screen name. “Just like a newspaper headline will capture your attention, so will creating an enticing online dating screen name. Steer away from generic names, such as your first name and a few numbers afterwards. Think about a hobby that you enjoy and incorporate it into your screen name. I have used ‘Paperback Writer,’ and both Beatles fans and other writers felt comfortable in sending me an introductory e-mail.” 

4. Copy plus paste = erase. “Women have caught onto the fact that many men copy and paste the same introductory e-mail to a group of women all at once. If your e-mail doesn't appear to be personalized and seems canned, don't expect to get a reply.” 

5. It's all about the photo. “Both men and women are visual. I suggest that your profile photo either be taken professionally or have a friend with a digital camera and a good eye take some photos of you. Make sure your primary photo doesn't have your buddies or the extra arm hanging over your shoulder. First impressions matter. Think about your dream job and the perfect resume that you will be sending to your future employer. Make sure your profile is your personal resume to get your dream date.” 

6. Respond in a timely manner. “Forget the old rules of waiting for three days before you write back or call the object of your affection. With online dating, if you play the waiting game, chances are her ‘inbox’ will be full of other potential male suitors. By the time she hears from you, she may be getting ready to retire her profile. If you like him or her, seize the opportunity and let them know.” 

7. Cast a wide net. “Online dating and social dating have become more acceptable as Facebook continues to increase in popularity. You may not be meeting the one, but you may likely find a new friend, a business opportunity, or your date might just have a friend. Don't discount the first date if there's no chemistry.”